Happy late Thanksgiving. I am so addicted to MySpace it's not even funny. So while I'm checking for comments and messages 10 times a day, I've ignored my original blog that I grew so fond of in the beginning. I feel guilty for not updating more, yet I have nothing to update. Basically I stay at home because I have no job, I never go anywhere because I have no money, and that makes me not want to do anything because I feel crappy. So before I get a lecture on getting out and trying, let me just say that I have been looking for a job, almost every day. It seems that nowadays you can't just go to a place and say I want to apply for a job, no no. You have to apply online, but your application doesn't go to that particular business, it goes to the corporate offices where they decide whether or not you're qualified. So you can't call the place to check on the status of the application because they have no clue what the actual status is.
I don't need people telling me how I'm not trying hard enough, I hear it every day. I don't want your opinion on how I'm being too picky, or how I'm not choosing the right places to apply. I don't want criticism disguised as sarcastic positive messages, but I will accept support, prayers, and other positive words, because I am almost at the end of my rope and it's quickly fraying on the end.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
ladybugs!!!!
It seems we're being invaded by ladybugs. I mean they are everywhere you look. I don't personally have any at my house, but I've seen them at other people's houses that I know. So I decided to change my blog to pay homage to the ladybugs. I've been wanting to change for a while now, but I've just been too lazy to do it.
On a stranger note, we've been going through cat food like crazy, and wondering why the kittens are eating so much. Oh, because we have 3 kittens now. One just kinda showed up. A stray. That we swear we're not keeping. We named her Lola. Yeah.
So, the food was disappearing super fast, and the cups that we were using in the food bag kept getting broken. Tonight we found out why. Lost had just ended (it was great, by the way), and about 5 seconds later I hear mama yelling at me from the kitchen to come and look at something. She goes I know why the cat food is going so fast, look outside on the table and tell me what you see. I looked. I said I didn't see anything. Mama says, don't you see that POSSUM sitting on the table? A freakin' possum!!! I have never been that close to a live possum before. It was kinda scary. So great, now we have to find a way to get rid of it. I can't wait.
On a stranger note, we've been going through cat food like crazy, and wondering why the kittens are eating so much. Oh, because we have 3 kittens now. One just kinda showed up. A stray. That we swear we're not keeping. We named her Lola. Yeah.
So, the food was disappearing super fast, and the cups that we were using in the food bag kept getting broken. Tonight we found out why. Lost had just ended (it was great, by the way), and about 5 seconds later I hear mama yelling at me from the kitchen to come and look at something. She goes I know why the cat food is going so fast, look outside on the table and tell me what you see. I looked. I said I didn't see anything. Mama says, don't you see that POSSUM sitting on the table? A freakin' possum!!! I have never been that close to a live possum before. It was kinda scary. So great, now we have to find a way to get rid of it. I can't wait.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
posting is no fun anymore
I don't post much on here anymore I guess because I have a MySpace account and well, I'm just not doing much of anything right now. It's hard to get motivated these days to do anything that requires energy. So, I'll still try to get on here when I can, but check out my myspace page if you wanna. You don't hafta.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
I gotta stop taking quizzes
| Your Element Is Air |
 You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world. And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly. Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life. You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful. You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person. With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that! |
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Random commercials I've seen
I was watching tv the other day and a Dominoe's pizza commercial came on advertising their new brownie bites. So I was totally surprised that the delivery guy was Brighton from The Nanny. All I could think was boy he has been reduced to pizza commercials. I don't know why it shocked me so much, but it did, okay?!
Anyways, then I saw one for Dairy Queen, where there's a newswoman that comes in with "the new mint moo-latte" and then the guy takes it away so she says the first story is that he wears a hair weave and then rips his hair off. That is hilarious!
there's another one, but I can't think what it is right now. Hmmm...oh well
Anyways, then I saw one for Dairy Queen, where there's a newswoman that comes in with "the new mint moo-latte" and then the guy takes it away so she says the first story is that he wears a hair weave and then rips his hair off. That is hilarious!
there's another one, but I can't think what it is right now. Hmmm...oh well
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
he was supposed to be there
Everyone is having memorials about 9/11 and I wanted to post this yesterday but ended up letting the day slip by.
You will never forget where you were or what you were doing that day when you heard that a plane had hit the towers. I was driving to work when it came over the radio, and at the time I just thought it was a random accident, a stray plane that had gone off-course. When they told me it was an attack on the U.S. I thought it was a joke, who would attack us? As they replayed the details over and over I thought, who can stand to listen to this all day long? I didn't realize how much it would change the way I look at life, or how close I came to losing a friend.
Mark was a musician who had been accepted to study with some of the best voice teachers in New York. He wasn't just any kind of musician, he was a male soprano. They are very rare I'm told, and his gift was far beyond what I had ever seen or heard. When he sang, his voice soared high into notes I can only dream about hitting, and it was almost like an angel singing. With his wife and two children staying in Tennessee, he moved to New York to pursue his dream of singing opera. I didn't stay in contact with him much during that time, but I kept him in my prayers and thought of him often.
Soon he wrote me an email saying he was driving down for a visit in August, and he wanted to make sure I was going to come and catch up while he was in town. I kept saying that I was going to come visit him, that we would go to Dollywood and watch for meteors at Clingman's Dome, but time got away from me, as it has a tendency to do. Soon it was time for him to go back to New York, and I hadn't once gone to visit him. I was a little disappointed, but didn't think much of it because we still had email.
Then September 11 happened and everything stopped. I didn't learned until months later that he was supposed to go back the week before; that if he had left when he was supposed to, he would have been inside the towers waiting to start his day and probably would not have made it out alive. He was supposed to be there that day.
He went back to finish his studies, but now lives in his home state of Louisiana. I'll never know how much courage it took for him to go back there and see what his fate might have been. I thank God for sparing his life every time I think of that day, and for a crappy rental car that wouldn't start. I know without a doubt that my God, my savior Jesus Christ, saved Mark's life that day for a reason, that everything that happened that day was for a reason. It may not seem fair or make any sense at all, but life's not fair now is it.
Everyone knows someone that was affected by the tragedy that happened that day. Everyone has a story. This is mine, actually Mark's, so thanks for listening.
You will never forget where you were or what you were doing that day when you heard that a plane had hit the towers. I was driving to work when it came over the radio, and at the time I just thought it was a random accident, a stray plane that had gone off-course. When they told me it was an attack on the U.S. I thought it was a joke, who would attack us? As they replayed the details over and over I thought, who can stand to listen to this all day long? I didn't realize how much it would change the way I look at life, or how close I came to losing a friend.
Mark was a musician who had been accepted to study with some of the best voice teachers in New York. He wasn't just any kind of musician, he was a male soprano. They are very rare I'm told, and his gift was far beyond what I had ever seen or heard. When he sang, his voice soared high into notes I can only dream about hitting, and it was almost like an angel singing. With his wife and two children staying in Tennessee, he moved to New York to pursue his dream of singing opera. I didn't stay in contact with him much during that time, but I kept him in my prayers and thought of him often.
Soon he wrote me an email saying he was driving down for a visit in August, and he wanted to make sure I was going to come and catch up while he was in town. I kept saying that I was going to come visit him, that we would go to Dollywood and watch for meteors at Clingman's Dome, but time got away from me, as it has a tendency to do. Soon it was time for him to go back to New York, and I hadn't once gone to visit him. I was a little disappointed, but didn't think much of it because we still had email.
Then September 11 happened and everything stopped. I didn't learned until months later that he was supposed to go back the week before; that if he had left when he was supposed to, he would have been inside the towers waiting to start his day and probably would not have made it out alive. He was supposed to be there that day.
He went back to finish his studies, but now lives in his home state of Louisiana. I'll never know how much courage it took for him to go back there and see what his fate might have been. I thank God for sparing his life every time I think of that day, and for a crappy rental car that wouldn't start. I know without a doubt that my God, my savior Jesus Christ, saved Mark's life that day for a reason, that everything that happened that day was for a reason. It may not seem fair or make any sense at all, but life's not fair now is it.
Everyone knows someone that was affected by the tragedy that happened that day. Everyone has a story. This is mine, actually Mark's, so thanks for listening.
she came back
Carla is home. Actually she came back that night, I've just been lazy and not posting. I went out around 12 to call her and she came running up on the porch meowing so I was relieved. Her claws were worn down and split and she had a cut on her lip, so I don't know what happened, but something obviously did. She's been staying close to us now every time we go out and work in the yard. woo!
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
I came home from church tonight to find out my kitty Carla is missing. She was here this morning, and now she's gone. It was too dark to look when I got home, but I'll be out all day tomorrow looking for her. I don't know what could have happened, but connie is going bananas because she has no one to play with. I really hope she's not gone for good, that would be a sad, sad day.
So tonight I'm sad, annoyed (for other reasons), and just fed up with everything. I just want to run far far away.
So tonight I'm sad, annoyed (for other reasons), and just fed up with everything. I just want to run far far away.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Glad news , sad news
My momsy works at Raccoon Mountain as a "tour guide" (they don't really give tours) but anyway, they have two randomly chosen people work together, and when she told me who she worked with yesterday, well it was interesting. Anyone who's ever watched Saved By the Bell knows who Mr. Belding is. Well my mama worked with his dad yesterday. That's right folks, my mama knows Mr. Belding's (oh ok, Dennis Haskins) dad.
And hey, I got a myspace account, so now I can be connected with all the people I see almost every day anyway. hehe. ok ok here's the link www.myspace.com/leiaspeia
That was the glad news.
Sad news is one of my friends is very sick and I don't know what to do about visiting him. He has Cystic Fibrosis, and the life expectancy is 30 or so, and he just turned 31 in July. I heard tonight that he's been on a home IV and his brother (who also has CF) is also pretty bad. I'm sick with worry and sadness because the last time we spoke I sorta told him that I wanted to be more than friends and he never called me back, so I don't know where I stand. I don't want him to die and never know what he really thought about the way things are. So now my heart is breaking at the thought of him leaving me, when I never really had him in the first place. It seems like the last 6 years we have been running into each other, spending one or two weeks hanging out, then I don't hear from him until a year has gone by and I bump into him again. This just sucks a big fat one because I don't know what to do. waaaahhh
And hey, I got a myspace account, so now I can be connected with all the people I see almost every day anyway. hehe. ok ok here's the link www.myspace.com/leiaspeia
That was the glad news.
Sad news is one of my friends is very sick and I don't know what to do about visiting him. He has Cystic Fibrosis, and the life expectancy is 30 or so, and he just turned 31 in July. I heard tonight that he's been on a home IV and his brother (who also has CF) is also pretty bad. I'm sick with worry and sadness because the last time we spoke I sorta told him that I wanted to be more than friends and he never called me back, so I don't know where I stand. I don't want him to die and never know what he really thought about the way things are. So now my heart is breaking at the thought of him leaving me, when I never really had him in the first place. It seems like the last 6 years we have been running into each other, spending one or two weeks hanging out, then I don't hear from him until a year has gone by and I bump into him again. This just sucks a big fat one because I don't know what to do. waaaahhh
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Saturday, August 05, 2006
spandex and stuff
So, two things....First, I realized that I haven't followed up on the whole audition thing. Well, I haven't heard anything from them so I guess they don't want me. It's sad really but I'm probably better off not getting my stage dreams crushed.
Second, I went to see "Mamma Mia" today! It was so awesome and funny! I've decided that I need a spandex outfit like they were wearing, as I am going to be a super hero for Halloween this year. Yes, you heard right, ha ha let's move on. I knew the basic story, and I have the soundtrack, but just seeing it as a whole let me understand it more and now when I listen to my CD I can see the guys wearing scuba suits and flippers and dancing around like dorks. Yeah yeah yeah.
Second, I went to see "Mamma Mia" today! It was so awesome and funny! I've decided that I need a spandex outfit like they were wearing, as I am going to be a super hero for Halloween this year. Yes, you heard right, ha ha let's move on. I knew the basic story, and I have the soundtrack, but just seeing it as a whole let me understand it more and now when I listen to my CD I can see the guys wearing scuba suits and flippers and dancing around like dorks. Yeah yeah yeah.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Random life lessons
Always park as close as possible to a buggy return at Walmart. Thay way you don't look stupid wandering around trying to find one.
Just because it's on clearance doesn't mean you have to buy it.
Don't laugh with powdered doughnuts in your mouth.
Double D's do not look good in tops that criss-cross in front, no matter how expensive or fashionable they may seem.
Just because a movie is rated PG-13 does not mean it's not scary.
If it shows belly fat, spare everyone the pain and don't wear it, in fact just throw it away.
Don't eat Mexican food after you've had a stomach virus.
Thrift stores are the coolest places on earth.
Just because it's on clearance doesn't mean you have to buy it.
Don't laugh with powdered doughnuts in your mouth.
Double D's do not look good in tops that criss-cross in front, no matter how expensive or fashionable they may seem.
Just because a movie is rated PG-13 does not mean it's not scary.
If it shows belly fat, spare everyone the pain and don't wear it, in fact just throw it away.
Don't eat Mexican food after you've had a stomach virus.
Thrift stores are the coolest places on earth.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Talent Agency?
Last night I drove and hour and fifteen minutes to Chattanooga to audition for a Christian theater group, so I was prepared to read cold from the script and maybe sing a song if called to do so, but when I got to the place it was a talent agency who had joined forces with the theater to recruit new talent for their upcoming season. Talk about pressure! There were 5 other "young people" there and compared to them I looked like Gigantron. Anyway, so the thear guy says ok, you've all been preparing something all week and now we're gonna hear it. Ok, I got the call on Tuesday, and this is Wednesday, so I don't think I had quite as much time as the others, but I faked it well. I got up there, sang my (acapella) song, and then the talent guy asked if I could read from a script if he gave me one. I said sure, so 10 minutes later I was back up there reading in what I hoped was a very southern accent, which apparently, was pretty good, at least that's what they said. Then the theater guy said "ok well we need to get head shots"...wait...what? I'm not ready, no wait, head shots? what? I got a big zit on my forehead! NO! But I got my picture taken anyway, which is not my favorite cup of tea, and he said ok now give me that intense look you had while you were reading, and I was like, I don't know what you're talking about, so he said just smile. OK. I went through all of this and it turns out it's only voluntary, we don't get paid, so I would have to drive an hour and a half to not get paid. And so now I'm hoping they won't call, but on the other hand I want them to call because then I'll know that I had a good audition and they actually want me. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Relentless weekend
This is two days late, I know, but this weekend I went to a dance workshop in Pigeon Forge that was so awesome. It was put together by a Christian dance and drama group called Relentless, and they go to different churches and do dances to Christian/Gospel music as a ministry and hold workshops like the one this weekend to teach kids these dances. I don't want to label these dances as interpretive, but that's what it's like, or at least the best way I know to describe it. It was me, two sisters, and a family with 3 kids that went, so there wasn't that many but it was still fun. So this was our youth group's chance to learn some dances to take back to the church, have some fun, and fellowship with other youth who already have their dance groups established. We've been trying to get a group together but have had little interest, but I think for the kids that went, we learned a lot and maybe with what we did learn there we can spark a little interest.
So anyway, Friday night we watched several different dance groups perform and had a time of worship with the church band. There was a group from Texas who just absolutely blew me away with their dedication and spirit-filled dances. There was also a group from Florida who call themselves DoMao, and they did a couple of awesome songs too. There was also a mime who did a Kirk Franklin song from the Rock Opera Hero.
Saturday was the actual workshop and I had decided that I wasn't going to learn any dances, just sit and watch, but the boy from the family that was with us wanted to do mime so his dad went with him and then one his sisters decided to go watch and wanted me to come with her so guess what I got to learn some mime. It was really not bad until they told us we had to get up in front of everyone and do our dance.
Basically, it was a time of worship, learning, and fellowship all wrapped up in a nifty little package. I realize as I'm reading back that I'm totally rambling and repeating myself, I can't seem to focus on one thing to get my thoughts straight so I'm going now. Bye-bye.
So anyway, Friday night we watched several different dance groups perform and had a time of worship with the church band. There was a group from Texas who just absolutely blew me away with their dedication and spirit-filled dances. There was also a group from Florida who call themselves DoMao, and they did a couple of awesome songs too. There was also a mime who did a Kirk Franklin song from the Rock Opera Hero.
Saturday was the actual workshop and I had decided that I wasn't going to learn any dances, just sit and watch, but the boy from the family that was with us wanted to do mime so his dad went with him and then one his sisters decided to go watch and wanted me to come with her so guess what I got to learn some mime. It was really not bad until they told us we had to get up in front of everyone and do our dance.
Basically, it was a time of worship, learning, and fellowship all wrapped up in a nifty little package. I realize as I'm reading back that I'm totally rambling and repeating myself, I can't seem to focus on one thing to get my thoughts straight so I'm going now. Bye-bye.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Daddy long legs on my head
So I was walking through the kitchen the other day and as I passed the fridge I looked up and saw this daddy long legs just sitting there happy as you please. How funny is that? There seems to be an abundance of them this year. I can pretty much guarantee that a shot like this won't happen again any time soon. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
a long but deep post
Ah, I thought highschool was going to be the toughest time of my life, but I was wrong! Sometimes I think it would be better to go back to highschool and refocus my thinking and care more about my future.
I'm cleaning houses for a living right now, and it seems my life is just in a big fat depressing rut. When I read blogs like my friend Tabitha's it makes me realize how far away from God I truly am. When I think I'm ok I get a big slap in the face reminding me how not ok I am and then that makes me feel ashamed for not doing what I was called to do and sad because I don't know how to get back on track. Conviction is harsh.
I've really been struggling lately with some issues like am I really saved and if I am why don't I feel any different. Now I'm not saying that I never accepted Jesus Christ into my life, because I did, I'm saying that maybe I was believing the wrong thing all these years. I knew that if you believe in God, believe that Jesus died for my sins and arose on the third day, and did not sin, then that was all you needed to get into heaven. Now I know that's not enough. You have to have a personal relationship with Jesus; and although I know this, I mean I truly know and believe this, I can't seem to do it. I can't discipline myself to read my Bible and spend time in prayer every day, and that scares me. We had a children's service one Sunday a while back and part of the speaker's sermon was a story of a preacher who was dying and he was on his bed screaming about the flames coming up around his legs and everyone in that hospital room knew what was happening. He was going to hell. A preacher, a man of God. That scared the crap out of me. If that happened to a preacher who knew the word of God inside and out and who probably led other people to God, then what's going to happen to me? I sure don't want to have a false belief and convince myself that what I'm doing is enough when it's never enough. You can never do enough for God, because he gave us the breath in our lungs and he can take it away in half a heartbeat.
So all this and more is going on in my head and heartache is filling me to overflow, when I found some comfort in a passage from a book I'm reading called "How to Talk About Jesus Without Freaking Out" by Jim and Karen Covell and Victorya Michaels Rogers that says there should be three parts to your testimony: Before Christ (B.C.), Meeting Christ (year zero), and After Christ (A.D.) OK the part that got me was this: "Year Zero is the time you met Christ and consciously chose to follow Him-the moment of your conversion." So I am saved, it's just that all the time since I accepted Christ has been wasted on who knows what kind of unimportant crap that at the time I thought was the most important thing in the world. I've been asleep for 24 years and am just now waking up to look back on how much I've missed. I can hardly bear the thought of how many chances I've missed to do God's work. I just realized that it's a shocker that I should find comfort in a book that's not the Bible, but yes folks I did, sometimes that happens.
I always think that I don't have a good testimony because I grew up in a Christian home, never did drugs or smoked, never got into trouble at school (ok there was that paddling in Kindergarten but that wasn't my fault, honestly! ok it might have been, I didn't like nap time), and was so shy that I cried at the drop of a hat. Truly, up until after college, you could not get me to talk in front of any type of crowd or to talk to people I didn't know. But because of God I am standing in front of kids making a complete and total idiot out of myself, singing and praising the God who gave me the courage to do it, and not caring who sees me because I know it's all for Him.
Wow, this is a really long post but I feel better getting it out. I've been moping around telling myself that nobody wants to hear my problems because they have their own, but that was Satan whispering in my ear and preying on my weakness. God gave me the strength tonight to break down that wall of self pity, and showed me that Jesus is my life and to find joy and comfort in Him.
PS
If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all. For real, I'm sensitive and I take well meaning but uninformed advice as snide comments against me. Just so ya know.
I'm cleaning houses for a living right now, and it seems my life is just in a big fat depressing rut. When I read blogs like my friend Tabitha's it makes me realize how far away from God I truly am. When I think I'm ok I get a big slap in the face reminding me how not ok I am and then that makes me feel ashamed for not doing what I was called to do and sad because I don't know how to get back on track. Conviction is harsh.
I've really been struggling lately with some issues like am I really saved and if I am why don't I feel any different. Now I'm not saying that I never accepted Jesus Christ into my life, because I did, I'm saying that maybe I was believing the wrong thing all these years. I knew that if you believe in God, believe that Jesus died for my sins and arose on the third day, and did not sin, then that was all you needed to get into heaven. Now I know that's not enough. You have to have a personal relationship with Jesus; and although I know this, I mean I truly know and believe this, I can't seem to do it. I can't discipline myself to read my Bible and spend time in prayer every day, and that scares me. We had a children's service one Sunday a while back and part of the speaker's sermon was a story of a preacher who was dying and he was on his bed screaming about the flames coming up around his legs and everyone in that hospital room knew what was happening. He was going to hell. A preacher, a man of God. That scared the crap out of me. If that happened to a preacher who knew the word of God inside and out and who probably led other people to God, then what's going to happen to me? I sure don't want to have a false belief and convince myself that what I'm doing is enough when it's never enough. You can never do enough for God, because he gave us the breath in our lungs and he can take it away in half a heartbeat.
So all this and more is going on in my head and heartache is filling me to overflow, when I found some comfort in a passage from a book I'm reading called "How to Talk About Jesus Without Freaking Out" by Jim and Karen Covell and Victorya Michaels Rogers that says there should be three parts to your testimony: Before Christ (B.C.), Meeting Christ (year zero), and After Christ (A.D.) OK the part that got me was this: "Year Zero is the time you met Christ and consciously chose to follow Him-the moment of your conversion." So I am saved, it's just that all the time since I accepted Christ has been wasted on who knows what kind of unimportant crap that at the time I thought was the most important thing in the world. I've been asleep for 24 years and am just now waking up to look back on how much I've missed. I can hardly bear the thought of how many chances I've missed to do God's work. I just realized that it's a shocker that I should find comfort in a book that's not the Bible, but yes folks I did, sometimes that happens.
I always think that I don't have a good testimony because I grew up in a Christian home, never did drugs or smoked, never got into trouble at school (ok there was that paddling in Kindergarten but that wasn't my fault, honestly! ok it might have been, I didn't like nap time), and was so shy that I cried at the drop of a hat. Truly, up until after college, you could not get me to talk in front of any type of crowd or to talk to people I didn't know. But because of God I am standing in front of kids making a complete and total idiot out of myself, singing and praising the God who gave me the courage to do it, and not caring who sees me because I know it's all for Him.
Wow, this is a really long post but I feel better getting it out. I've been moping around telling myself that nobody wants to hear my problems because they have their own, but that was Satan whispering in my ear and preying on my weakness. God gave me the strength tonight to break down that wall of self pity, and showed me that Jesus is my life and to find joy and comfort in Him.
PS
If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all. For real, I'm sensitive and I take well meaning but uninformed advice as snide comments against me. Just so ya know.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Trees and hard work
We planted some hostas and bushes Thursday and while we were diggin my kitties decided to explore the closest Dogwood tree. They went all the way to the tip of the skinniest limb and I swear I thought a couple of times I was gonna have smashed cats. Carla jumped out before I could get batteries in my camera, but Connie decided to take a nap in the crook of the limbs. I finally got Connie down by coaxing her to the tip of a limb and then grabbing the limb and pulling it down until I could reach her. For some reason I can't get my pictures to upload so I guess I'll just wait until later to post those. *sigh* oh well.
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