Today I've realized quite a few things. First, I've been basing the success of this blog by the comments, or lack thereof. I read other people's blogs and they have like 50 comments or something like that,and I get really discouraged because I have ZERO! But then I look at my stats and I'm doing pretty darn good. I realized that I read these blogs but I never leave comments, so just because no one is commenting doesn't mean they're not reading. It does make me feel good though when I see a comment, until I discover that it's some stupid spam ad for beauty products or porn or garbage like that. My advice to myself-it takes two to make a connection.

Second, I rely too heavily on people. I seem to meet people and then attach myself to them thinking that we have some special bond and that they're gonna drop everything and help me when I ask them. In reality, I don't really know them, they don't really know me so why should they even acknowledge me, let alone stop what they're doing to help me.

I remember in college when I was first introduced to chat rooms there was this one guy I used to talk to all the time. He was fairly popular around the chat rooms that I visited, so I felt like I had a connection with him. One day I was in the school library with one of my friends chatting away when these two hoodlums came up to where the computers were and started bugging us online. They would interrupt our chats and would say really crude and derrogatory things to us, we told the librarian but she couldn't do anything abou it. Later, on another day when I was talking with this guy I told him what had happened and said I wished he would have been there to stop these guys. After that he never would talk to me and had this other girl tell me to stop talking to him, which I thought was a bit much but whatever. I was totally devastated because I didn't even know where this guy was from and I knew he couldn't have done anything about it but here he was treating me like a stalker, which I'm not, btw.

Anyway, so now I find myself trying to make connections with people based on their blogs that I read, when in reality I don't know them from Adam. I'm not a freaky stalker-type person I swear. I'm just needy.

OK, so that was only two things, but very important things. I had a third one but something freaky happened and I lost it, but I think I just needed to vent on that one and it's not important now. But if you must know I'll give you the microwave version. I had a friend, he ditched me for his fiance, and now even though we say we're friends it won't be anything more than emails and eventually nothing.

Happy?