Resolutions?

Happy New Year! Yeah, everybody says it, but do they really mean it? When you go to the store and the check-out person says it, are they saying it out of habit, or do they really want you to have a happy, brand new year without mistakes, regrets, or disappointments? When you say it, are you really wishing that the person will have a good and prosperous year? I normally don't make resoultions, but I think this year that's gonna be mine. That when I say happy new year or have a good day, I'm really going to mean it and not be so pessimistic or think bad of people. In this new year, I'm not going to cling to the past but let everything go and move forward to a new life. Yeppers.

Whew!...well, I really wanted to tell you what I did last night, which was go to a singles dance and that I will never willingly do again. One of my friends talked me into going with her and another friend, and she was paying so I didn't want to dissappoint her. Oh, by the way, I don't dance. Let's remember that, shall we? We got there and I knew I was in for a groovin' time just by the sad decorations on the wall. I was told there was going to be food there. I was excited. It was Chex Mix. So that I wouldn't be left alone at the table, I went to the dance floor with my friends and kinda moved around whilst trying not to be seen by the DJ or anyone else. It wasn't that bad, I actually had fun when I realized that everybody else was jiggling more than me and nobody had any rhythm. Then disaster struck. I knew it was a "singles dance" but it didn't really hit me until this guy grabbed my hand and literally drug me to the dance floor. And just my luck it was a slow song and he had a couple of rotten teeth. And he was about 50. I finished the dance but then he followed me back to the table and just sat there and kept asking me if I drank and why didn't I have a boyfriend. I was picturing a boring night where I would just sit around and maybe dance a couple times with my friends, toast the new year and go home. This was not to be. I wasn't feeling well to begin with so I played that up a little and told my friends I was sick and wanted to go home. It worked and at 11:30 I was on my way home and the really sad part was that I got home before my mother.

OK, so here's the point to this whole story. I realized last night that I am an adult. Now, I know this is not a big shocker to most people, but I always considered myself younger than I really am. People are shocked when I tell them my real age and I totally enjoy that. Usually they think I'm at least 5 years younger. In church I go to the youth class. I always navigate towards the younger people when I'm in a play. Adults intimidate me and I don't really know how to hold a conversation with them. Just last week the youth had a sleepover at church and I was one of the two adults there but I didn't take on any of the responsibilities that I should have. Anyways, I realized that I was running away from this guy because he was not in my comfort zone and he personified adulthood at that moment. He was everything I don't want to be. I've been running and hiding my whole life and it just hit me hard that I don't have a clue where my life is going or what I really want. That is really scary for me because I thought I knew where I was in life, but now it's all up in the air. What do I do now?