Glad news , sad news

My momsy works at Raccoon Mountain as a "tour guide" (they don't really give tours) but anyway, they have two randomly chosen people work together, and when she told me who she worked with yesterday, well it was interesting. Anyone who's ever watched Saved By the Bell knows who Mr. Belding is. Well my mama worked with his dad yesterday. That's right folks, my mama knows Mr. Belding's (oh ok, Dennis Haskins) dad.

And hey, I got a myspace account, so now I can be connected with all the people I see almost every day anyway. hehe. ok ok here's the link www.myspace.com/leiaspeia

That was the glad news.

Sad news is one of my friends is very sick and I don't know what to do about visiting him. He has Cystic Fibrosis, and the life expectancy is 30 or so, and he just turned 31 in July. I heard tonight that he's been on a home IV and his brother (who also has CF) is also pretty bad. I'm sick with worry and sadness because the last time we spoke I sorta told him that I wanted to be more than friends and he never called me back, so I don't know where I stand. I don't want him to die and never know what he really thought about the way things are. So now my heart is breaking at the thought of him leaving me, when I never really had him in the first place. It seems like the last 6 years we have been running into each other, spending one or two weeks hanging out, then I don't hear from him until a year has gone by and I bump into him again. This just sucks a big fat one because I don't know what to do. waaaahhh

Connie, Carla, and Kitty, Oh my!

I knew it!

Your Band Name is:

The Bionic Poodles

Band Name Generator

spandex and stuff

So, two things....First, I realized that I haven't followed up on the whole audition thing. Well, I haven't heard anything from them so I guess they don't want me. It's sad really but I'm probably better off not getting my stage dreams crushed.

Second, I went to see "Mamma Mia" today! It was so awesome and funny! I've decided that I need a spandex outfit like they were wearing, as I am going to be a super hero for Halloween this year. Yes, you heard right, ha ha let's move on. I knew the basic story, and I have the soundtrack, but just seeing it as a whole let me understand it more and now when I listen to my CD I can see the guys wearing scuba suits and flippers and dancing around like dorks. Yeah yeah yeah.

Just a question

When is the man of my dreams gonna walk in to wake me up?

Random life lessons

Always park as close as possible to a buggy return at Walmart. Thay way you don't look stupid wandering around trying to find one.

Just because it's on clearance doesn't mean you have to buy it.

Don't laugh with powdered doughnuts in your mouth.

Double D's do not look good in tops that criss-cross in front, no matter how expensive or fashionable they may seem.

Just because a movie is rated PG-13 does not mean it's not scary.

If it shows belly fat, spare everyone the pain and don't wear it, in fact just throw it away.

Don't eat Mexican food after you've had a stomach virus.

Thrift stores are the coolest places on earth.

Talent Agency?

Last night I drove and hour and fifteen minutes to Chattanooga to audition for a Christian theater group, so I was prepared to read cold from the script and maybe sing a song if called to do so, but when I got to the place it was a talent agency who had joined forces with the theater to recruit new talent for their upcoming season. Talk about pressure! There were 5 other "young people" there and compared to them I looked like Gigantron. Anyway, so the thear guy says ok, you've all been preparing something all week and now we're gonna hear it. Ok, I got the call on Tuesday, and this is Wednesday, so I don't think I had quite as much time as the others, but I faked it well. I got up there, sang my (acapella) song, and then the talent guy asked if I could read from a script if he gave me one. I said sure, so 10 minutes later I was back up there reading in what I hoped was a very southern accent, which apparently, was pretty good, at least that's what they said. Then the theater guy said "ok well we need to get head shots"...wait...what? I'm not ready, no wait, head shots? what? I got a big zit on my forehead! NO! But I got my picture taken anyway, which is not my favorite cup of tea, and he said ok now give me that intense look you had while you were reading, and I was like, I don't know what you're talking about, so he said just smile. OK. I went through all of this and it turns out it's only voluntary, we don't get paid, so I would have to drive an hour and a half to not get paid. And so now I'm hoping they won't call, but on the other hand I want them to call because then I'll know that I had a good audition and they actually want me. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Relentless weekend

This is two days late, I know, but this weekend I went to a dance workshop in Pigeon Forge that was so awesome. It was put together by a Christian dance and drama group called Relentless, and they go to different churches and do dances to Christian/Gospel music as a ministry and hold workshops like the one this weekend to teach kids these dances. I don't want to label these dances as interpretive, but that's what it's like, or at least the best way I know to describe it. It was me, two sisters, and a family with 3 kids that went, so there wasn't that many but it was still fun. So this was our youth group's chance to learn some dances to take back to the church, have some fun, and fellowship with other youth who already have their dance groups established. We've been trying to get a group together but have had little interest, but I think for the kids that went, we learned a lot and maybe with what we did learn there we can spark a little interest.

So anyway, Friday night we watched several different dance groups perform and had a time of worship with the church band. There was a group from Texas who just absolutely blew me away with their dedication and spirit-filled dances. There was also a group from Florida who call themselves DoMao, and they did a couple of awesome songs too. There was also a mime who did a Kirk Franklin song from the Rock Opera Hero.

Saturday was the actual workshop and I had decided that I wasn't going to learn any dances, just sit and watch, but the boy from the family that was with us wanted to do mime so his dad went with him and then one his sisters decided to go watch and wanted me to come with her so guess what I got to learn some mime. It was really not bad until they told us we had to get up in front of everyone and do our dance.

Basically, it was a time of worship, learning, and fellowship all wrapped up in a nifty little package. I realize as I'm reading back that I'm totally rambling and repeating myself, I can't seem to focus on one thing to get my thoughts straight so I'm going now. Bye-bye.

Daddy long legs on my head

So I was walking through the kitchen the other day and as I passed the fridge I looked up and saw this daddy long legs just sitting there happy as you please. How funny is that? There seems to be an abundance of them this year. I can pretty much guarantee that a shot like this won't happen again any time soon. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time.

a long but deep post

Ah, I thought highschool was going to be the toughest time of my life, but I was wrong! Sometimes I think it would be better to go back to highschool and refocus my thinking and care more about my future.

I'm cleaning houses for a living right now, and it seems my life is just in a big fat depressing rut. When I read blogs like my friend Tabitha's it makes me realize how far away from God I truly am. When I think I'm ok I get a big slap in the face reminding me how not ok I am and then that makes me feel ashamed for not doing what I was called to do and sad because I don't know how to get back on track. Conviction is harsh.

I've really been struggling lately with some issues like am I really saved and if I am why don't I feel any different. Now I'm not saying that I never accepted Jesus Christ into my life, because I did, I'm saying that maybe I was believing the wrong thing all these years. I knew that if you believe in God, believe that Jesus died for my sins and arose on the third day, and did not sin, then that was all you needed to get into heaven. Now I know that's not enough. You have to have a personal relationship with Jesus; and although I know this, I mean I truly know and believe this, I can't seem to do it. I can't discipline myself to read my Bible and spend time in prayer every day, and that scares me. We had a children's service one Sunday a while back and part of the speaker's sermon was a story of a preacher who was dying and he was on his bed screaming about the flames coming up around his legs and everyone in that hospital room knew what was happening. He was going to hell. A preacher, a man of God. That scared the crap out of me. If that happened to a preacher who knew the word of God inside and out and who probably led other people to God, then what's going to happen to me? I sure don't want to have a false belief and convince myself that what I'm doing is enough when it's never enough. You can never do enough for God, because he gave us the breath in our lungs and he can take it away in half a heartbeat.

So all this and more is going on in my head and heartache is filling me to overflow, when I found some comfort in a passage from a book I'm reading called "How to Talk About Jesus Without Freaking Out" by Jim and Karen Covell and Victorya Michaels Rogers that says there should be three parts to your testimony: Before Christ (B.C.), Meeting Christ (year zero), and After Christ (A.D.) OK the part that got me was this: "Year Zero is the time you met Christ and consciously chose to follow Him-the moment of your conversion." So I am saved, it's just that all the time since I accepted Christ has been wasted on who knows what kind of unimportant crap that at the time I thought was the most important thing in the world. I've been asleep for 24 years and am just now waking up to look back on how much I've missed. I can hardly bear the thought of how many chances I've missed to do God's work. I just realized that it's a shocker that I should find comfort in a book that's not the Bible, but yes folks I did, sometimes that happens.

I always think that I don't have a good testimony because I grew up in a Christian home, never did drugs or smoked, never got into trouble at school (ok there was that paddling in Kindergarten but that wasn't my fault, honestly! ok it might have been, I didn't like nap time), and was so shy that I cried at the drop of a hat. Truly, up until after college, you could not get me to talk in front of any type of crowd or to talk to people I didn't know. But because of God I am standing in front of kids making a complete and total idiot out of myself, singing and praising the God who gave me the courage to do it, and not caring who sees me because I know it's all for Him.

Wow, this is a really long post but I feel better getting it out. I've been moping around telling myself that nobody wants to hear my problems because they have their own, but that was Satan whispering in my ear and preying on my weakness. God gave me the strength tonight to break down that wall of self pity, and showed me that Jesus is my life and to find joy and comfort in Him.

PS
If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all. For real, I'm sensitive and I take well meaning but uninformed advice as snide comments against me. Just so ya know.

Trees and hard work

We planted some hostas and bushes Thursday and while we were diggin my kitties decided to explore the closest Dogwood tree. They went all the way to the tip of the skinniest limb and I swear I thought a couple of times I was gonna have smashed cats. Carla jumped out before I could get batteries in my camera, but Connie decided to take a nap in the crook of the limbs. I finally got Connie down by coaxing her to the tip of a limb and then grabbing the limb and pulling it down until I could reach her. For some reason I can't get my pictures to upload so I guess I'll just wait until later to post those. *sigh* oh well.

Connie and Carla

I have two new kitties!

Meet Connie:


And Carla:


Originally they were Stella and Daisy but my mother decided we should name them for the movie we all love so much. Connie and Carla. Go rent it today.

Xanga or not?

I've recently discovered that most of my friends have a Xanga account which sucks for me because I can't give a comment unless I have an account with them. So here's the big delimma for the day...should I switch to Xanga and be like the crowd, or be a rebel and stay where I am. I can't take the pressure! Just show me to the nearest ledge! I'm feeling dramatic and I need an outlet! Oh the humanity!

ok it's over...go back to your jobs.

Mother's Day conversation

We took our mumsy out to eat for that special day, and she had been sick the week before so she was still taking cold medicine. Here's the conversation we had while we waited for our food:

Anessa(my sister): So what did you guys do yesterday?
Mama: We watched Sarah Plain and Ugly.
Anessa: what?
Me: Taaall.
Mama: ok, Sarah Tall and Ugly.
Me: No! Plain and Tall!
Anessa: *laughing her butt off*
Mama: Well, whatever her name is, we watched it all day!

Ok, so it's not so funny written out like that, but it was darn funny at the time. We had a good time so neener.

nosin' for the camera

I took some pictures of the creek behind my house the other day and Keela and Chubby kept me company, so here are the results of a day at the creek.




 

Cornbread Festival

This weekend I went with my mother's Red Hat group to South Pittsburg, TN for the 10th annual Cornbread Festival. It was...interesting, and a little disappointing. There was a section set up where you could pay one price and get samples of all different kinds of cornbread, but I took one look at the line to get in and figured my waistline didn't need that much cornbread anyway! So here are some shots of festival wares and a one-man band that just defies description!

Update, update, who's got the update?

Not me I'll tell ya. My life is just one big boring blah right now. Looking for a job is depressing, while in the meantime trying to do odd jobs that people throw at you, hoping for enough money to pay at least one bill. I've become very good friends with the nanny named Fran, and also learned how to do numerous craft projects that I hope to one day try. And please, I don't need anybody to tell me to get out of the house and put myself out there for people to hire me, because trust me, I've heard it all a bazillion times before. When your family is only concerned about making money and retirement security, not if you're actually happy, it kinda makes you want to run far far away and never look back. So...any suggestions where to go?

life is hard

i have no excuses for not posting other than life got in the way. There's nothing to tell really, I quit the Dollar Store and now I'm helping my brother-in-law build boat docks for a local marina. After that I don't know what will happen. So that's it kiddies...short and boring. Maybe tomorrow there'll be more to tell.

just a little edit

I had to take off the last picture of Tuesday's post because it just made me really self conscious and uncomfortable. I don't know why. Call it low self esteem, call me crazy, all I know is I kept on thinking what if somebody got hold of that picture and spread it over the internet as child porn or something bad like that. I know I'm probably over-reacting, but that's the way I feel. Take it up with my agent. "These things do 'appen, but until these things stop 'appening, this thing does not 'appen! Where's my doggie bring my doggie bye bye!"