hey hey

Nothing to say, just checking in. I was outside last night watching my neighbors kids play and the mosquitos were horrible. I got my bug spray and doused everyone, including myself, but apparently I forgot my feet. So now, I have numerous bites on my right inside ankle, and on the top of my left foot. They itch like crazy, and cortizone cream only works for so long.

Hey, so I want to say a little bit about where I live which I meant to do when I started this blog, but never got around to. I have lived in East Tennessee my whole life, in a little two red light town named Spring City. It's an hour south-ish of Knoxville, and an hour north-ish of Chattanooga. I can make it to the Smokey Mountains in about 2 and a half hours, and I like to visit there a lot. If I want to see a movie or go anywhere fun I have to drive an hour, ooo but I forgot they just opened an new movie theater in Crossville and that's only 30 minutes away! They're on central time though, so that's kinda hard to adjust to. Um, they're putting a four lane through town, and we have a McDonald's now (big woo), and well, that's about it.

Just getting ready for the next weekend of performances, hopefully it will go as well as the first week. We'll see.

what a difference...

...a day makes! To quote my sister, I think we were abducted by aliens and then replaced with actors. Tonight was opening night, and we did like 200 percent better than last night. So, yippee I'm relieved, happy, thankful, um...and other happy words. I just hope we can keep it up for the rest of the shows. I'm gonna keep praying though.

I don't know........

Two important things happened tonight. First,we performed the dress rehearsal to an audience of about thirty. The first act went relatively smoothly, no major problems except the songs were so slow I swear I thought I saw someone slipping into a coma, and I'm thinking alright we're gonna be done in less than 4 hours. Then the second act happened. You would think that a director who is also in the play would know what she's doing. Especially one who made professional theater her career. Can I just say that if I was doing this show with her for the first time, I would never do theater again in my life. She got on stage and we were up there right where we were supposed to be, we finished our pretty dandelion song and then everything went to hell. Seriously. She skipped like three scenes and went straight to the end of the show, and we were standing there with nowhere to go because for the scene she was doing, we're not on stage. So we stood there going what are we supposed to do and, geez I don't even know what happened, but we were on stage looking like total idiots. I left the stage when it was over and went straight to the dressing room, changed my clothes, and sat there because I literally felt sick to my stomach. I think I won't even go to work tomorrow. hehe.
While everyone was changing she came in and started saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it'll be fixed tomorrow" and then, and this is the best part, she fainted . Yes folks, the woman fainted. I just stood there. I didn't even try to help her up. I knew she was faking it. My sister knew she was faking it. Because if she had really fainted she would have hit her head on the chair that was sitting there, but she caught herself before she hit, and she recovered right away. Now, I've never fainted nor seen anyone faint, but I figure if you did, then it would take you a while to recover from it since your body has to readjust to the shock of whatever made you faint in the first place. So that happened first.

Second, and sorry I know this is probably longer than you care to read, but I have to tell this.

I get in my car where my phone is and I have a message waiting for me. Hmmm, who could be calling since my sister is at the theater with me? It would be the guy that broke my heart, calling to say that he was "looking through some of his things" and "remembering old times" and was sorry he dropped me like he did but he doesn't want to apologized to my voice mail so he would call later. And then he said "pancakes" which is an inside joke. What do I do now? Should I just try to go back and be friends again or should I say sorry you had your chance. We were so close and shared so much, and then he just vanished, and now this. I want to believe that he did it because of the remorse just eating at his insides, but I have a gnawing feeling that his mother had something to do with it. See, I had called her to ask if she would make cookies for the play, and said "you know he doesn't talk to me anymore" and she made the excuse of well he's in love and you don't think much about your friends when your in love. That is the biggest bunch of dookie I've heard in a while. But anyway, I think she's said something to him, and that makes me kinda angry that it takes her prompting him for me to get an apology out of him. He really kinda got me with the whole pancakes line because it was like yeah say a joke and then everything will be alright, but it's not. waaahhaaaa I don't know what to do!
*sniff*

two days and counting

So tonight we went through light cues which we should have done Monday, or last Friday, but anyway, and let me just say that we suck a big fat one. I think if we had a different director and a few different people that it would be a good show, but right now, two days before we open, people still don't know their lines and ya know there's only so much I can memorize before my brain starts losing important information stored in there. Kinda like Kelly on married with children when she went on some game show and they quizzed her with all kinds of info but she got to a point where one fact would go in and then she would lose one... not that I watch that show...because I don't...

But I digress. We have people coming to see the dress rehearsal tomorrow and well, I'll be praying a lot from now until the show's over. I want to say that it's gonna be ok but I just feel very unprepared, even though I know I've done everything I can to be prepared, and don't want people to come up and say oh, you were in that play that lasted 4 hours and was really baaaad.

*sigh*

the group in rehearsal 

Monday, Monday

...the second day in the week before we open. Yes folks, we suck. Practice started at 7, we didn't get started until like 7:30 and it took us until after 9 to do the first act. The first act. This is supposed to be a 2 hour show, maybe a little bit longer, and the people are going to go into comas waiting for it to be over. The elderly folks might as well just bring their living will and DNR papers with them to save the ambulance people the trouble. Seriously though, the director yells at us for taking so long to do the first act but she was the one who made us do the same scene like 6 times before moving on. So don't be yellin' at us for something you did sister!

In more pleasant news, Sunday I went to the Daily Bread, our local thrift store, for a basket to use in the show. What I found was these awesome vintage baby clothes someone had donated. I went a little insane and grabbed practically all of them, figuring that at .50 and a dollar a piece that it wouldn't be too much. Maybe $20 ya know. Well, not exactly. Try $44. Yikes! I totally feel guilty about it now, since one I have no children, and two, I could have used that to take my poor little Kitty to the vet. As soon as I can get them in the house unnoticed, I'll post some pictures of them. Right now they're still in my trunk. hehe. And maybe I can do something cool with them.

So here's the cool site of my day http://www.kao-ani.com/ which I've known about and visited for a while now to get some cool wallpapers and other cute thingies, but I kinda lost the link when I got a new computer but now I found it again and I'm so happy! Go...see...be happy

countdown to showtime

First, thank you to Jenn and anonymous (although I know who you are) for sympathizing with me and making me feel better about the best friend who dumped me to get married. But you know what the weird thing is, I cried on the way home from work that day for about 10 minutes and now I'm over it. I don't feel the least amount of sorry for myself now. God is so amazing, he stepped in and filled up my heart with so much love, who needs this other guy?

Second, I have been in rehearsal for "Quilters" for weeks now, and opening night is only days away. The 17th to be exact. Yes, I know that's a little more than a week, but we are so far from being ready I just want to sit down and cry. We haven't even learned the last song, what the heck, we're still having trouble with the first song, and we keep changing the blocking and some of the women are having trouble memorizing lines. I know that the closer we get to opening night the uglier it's gonna get, because tempers are gonna flare and words are gonna be flung. Big words, ugly words.

I'll let ya know what they are.

very interesting site

Oh yeah, I was browsing blogs today and came across this one called Postsecret that is awesome and definately worth taking a moment to look at.

are you gonna eat those?

Today there was a bake sale at work and so yesterday afternoon I got all set up to make some cupcakes. I followed the directions exactly like it said on the box. The batter was really runny, not thick at all, so I added like two table spoons of flour to the batter. When I took them out of the oven they looked well, not like cupcakes, more like biscuits but I let them cool and decided to taste one. It was horrible! blech nasty pukey and other choice words. When my sister came over she tried one and confirmed this statement. My mother on the other hand said we were over-reacting and didn't know what good food was.

Well, I had to use them because I didn't have time to go get anything else, so I thought maybe when I put the icing on them it would be ok. I had seen and episode of 30 minute meals on the food network where Rachael Ray was having a block party and made these fantastic cupcakes with fluffy icing made from powdered sugar. So I thought yeah I can do that, and I searched that website up and down but didn't find a thing about that episode but I did find a recipe on the sugar box so I used it, but my icing was not fluffy, it was runny, again, and not pretty at all. I used it anyway cause it was all I had.

I took them to work but told them not to sell them unless they were absolutely desperate. And they didn't. So now I have a cake pan full of toxic cupcakes that nobody wants.
So the moral of this long drawn out story is...well, nothing really, but I needed to share.

my heart part two

So, after I've had time to reflect, I know that there's nothing I can do about this situation. He's obviously decided (long ago) that his new love/fiance/obsession is more important than friends, so what can I do but move on. I don't need the heartache, and besides, God has so much better for me that he doesn't even compare.

I think I just needed to vent a little and actually put my feelings in writing to see how utterly useless it is to stress over some self-absorbed guy that has no cncern for my feelings. I'll just insert a "Right On!" here because I know when my sister reads this that's what she's gonna say.
I think this seems all jumbled up when I look back at what I wrote and probably doesn't make sense, but it's the best I can manage right now.

I'll be happier tomorrow.

here's your heart on a rusty stake...

So today I find out that the one guy I had so much in common with but haven't seen since September is getting married. Honestly, I got all swimmy headed and thought I was gonna pass out. I don't understand how you can spend 4 years with someone sharing more than is safe to mention intimate information and then totally drop them without so much as a "it was nice being your friend but I have new friends now". I feel like my heart has been ripped out with a rusty spiked spear and then paraded around on front street all over again. We had the discussion of "you don't have to call me anymore because I know you don't have time for me" a while back and I thought I had put the whole ugly thing behind me but now it's flooded back into my life with an overwhelming wave and all I want to do is wallow in self pity.

I do realize that I'm not the only one that has gone through this, and I won't be the last, but when it actually happens and it's your first real heartbreak, you feel like you are the only person on earth that could be feeling this crappy. Cue the violins with the sad melodramatic music. Cue the center spotlight with me alone sitting in a black chair on an empty stage. Or...I'll make it a red chair and that will be the hint that it won't be this way forever. I hope.

To Be Continued...